Today has been such an emotional day! The last month or two actually have been such hard months, emotionally and physically. There have been times when I honestly didn't know how I was going to get up and go to work for 12 hours...or how I was going to sit down and try to work on a care plan for 3 hours, because I couldn't get my mind to stop thinking about everything going on long enough to actually do it. There have been a few people in particular that have gotten me through these things, #1 my mom. It is so amazing to know that NO matter what time of day, or anything, that I can call my mom, and talk for however long I need. That is a true best friend. The rest of these in no particular order, my friend Jess, Jess has not had a easy few months either, but you'd never know it, she is always so happy, and so happy to see me! She greets me each morning whether it is at school, an early work morning, or a day at the gym, with a big smile and a hug. She has done more that she will ever know. My cousin Emily, she has no idea how perfectly timed her text messages just to see how I am doing are. They always seem to come at the times when I'm feeling the worst. My roommate Julia, I seriously love this girl more than I can say. She has carried me through so many things that I can't even begin to thank her enough. And above all the Lord. I wish I could list everyone, but the list is SOOO long.... I've been thinking about "today's". President Monson said, "Pile up too many tomorrow's and you'll find you've collected nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays" Sometimes I feel like the days are slipping by faster than I can live them. I find my self sitting there at work at 3:00 and thinking 'only three more hours' three more hours til what? Until I get off work? Then what? Then I go home and do homework? Why do we always live our lives hours, days, or even weeks ahead of where we actually are? Are we missing out on the "now" on the lessons that need to be learned now? Maybe these are lessons that are doing to make the "thens" easier? And we completely miss out on it all. What about living for today? What if there are no tomorrows? or next weeks? I find myself saying all to often, I can't wait until....I have tried to stop myself and think about right now. Right this minute what can I do to make the most of the moments that I have RIGHT NOW. One of my favorite conference talks in history is Elder Worthlin's "Come what May and Love it" He said, "Those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result." I believe that! My dad used to always tell me when I was growing up that life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it. One of the (many) greatest lessons that my dad taught me was to have a good attitude. And I think all too often I forget that advice that he gave me. I'm reading a book right now in between semesters by Sheri Dew called, "If life were easy, it wouldn't be hard". In it she tells a story about a young adult activity that she went to and there was a returned missionary talking about how he worked hard on his mission and when he came home he planned on finding someone to marry, get an education, and start a career. And he said, "I thought it would be easier than it is to find my way". I can't tell you how many times I have felt like this! I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, living here in Provo, going to nursing school, pursuing my education. But sometimes things get so hard. I know I shouldn't complain, I work everyday with people who have lives harder than I could ever imagine. I had a patient that came in yesterday, she has ovarian cancer, and brain cancer that has metastized. She has been going through chemo and radiation therapy and her brain has shrunk and now her brain is actively bleeding. She is inoperable because of the radiation and chemo. I have another 27 year old patient that has leukemia. It's amazing to me how happy they are and optimistic they are and their lives are harder than I could ever even imagine. And here I am complaining? i was talking to a friend at school about this once and we decided you do what you have to do. You have this idea of what your life is going to be like, and what you can handle, but the Lord has another idea of what your life is REALLY going to be like, what you can REALLY handle. And when that time comes for you to handle it, he will get you through it. Now you are probably all wondering about the title of this blog. I had a patient this week that became a wonderful friend to me. I probably spent at least an hour and a half of 'downtime' in her room talking to her this week. She hasn't had any easy life at all, and has had health problems for years, (she is 76). She has fibromyalgia, but is in the hospital right now for other things and is also septic. She has a really hard time walking with everything that is going on in her body and get's tired very easily. She takes 3-4 steps and has to stop and sit down. Well I was in her room today when someone came in and asked how she was doing and whether or not she had been taking walks today. She replied no and that it was so hard, especially because only days ago she was walking just fine. But then she looked up are her and said, "But it's ok, because I do hard things". I am sure I have heard this statement before, but for some reason today it really clicked. Maybe it was because today was one of the harder days than most, I don't know, but it clicked, and I realized, I do hard things. We all do hard things. I work 2 jobs, go to school full time, do clinicals every week, and somehow find time to do homework. I get stressed. I have never been so stressed in my life as the 3 months. But I do it. We all do hard things. I read a mom's blog today that I came across through a friend and this woman and her husband went on a vacation to Lake Havasu, and left their 3 children with her parents. They were hiking and when they got to the top of mountain they got cell service and realized they had a voicemail. They listened to it only to find that her dad had gone into her 15 month old sons room to find him dead with the blind cords wrapped around his neck. How do you call your daughter and tell her that? How do you get through losing a child (and I don't even have children yet). We do what we have to do. Elder Worthlin also talks about the 'Principle of Compensation' he says "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way." We do what we are called to do. My roommate Julia and I had a conversation once about whether or not we thought that we chose our trials before we came to this earth. I don't think we did, who would raise their hand and say 'oh yeah I'll lose a child, no problem'. Granted we probably had a better understanding of the power of the Spirit and the Atonement so maybe we would have been more willing to do hard things. But I think we all have our agency, and our trials come to us accordingly. This has been a very long post, and probably a lot of rambling, but it's just what I've been thinking. But I want to end it with my number 1 favorite scripture of all time, in John 14:27, it reads, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth give I unto you. Let your heart not be troubled neither let it be afraid." I also love reading John 16:33 along with this scripture which reads,"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." And this last scripture that I have recently 'discovered' in Words of Mormon 1:7 which reads," And I do this for a wise purpose....And now, I do not know all things; bt the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will."
I love you all, and pray that you we all will be able to continue to "Do Hard Things"
Colton and Jaden stuck again....
Glad the government can spell...required not requiered
Braxton and Kogan
Until next time beautiful sunset :)
Braxton and Kogan
Until next time beautiful sunset :)
